If I can’t date until I am ready to get married, when do I know I am I ready to get married? Ask a different question. Maybe someone’s calling in life is to be a surgeon. What would happen if, as a teenager, they went to the nearest hospital and asked to fill out an application to be a surgeon in the E.R.? The hospital would laugh at them. They would say they are not qualified. The teenager might respond saying, “Well, I like to cut things and heal people and I really, really want to be a surgeon.” The hospital would respond back saying, “Go to school, learn medicine and then come back in 6-10 years and then maybe you can get the job.” The truth is that people are not ready to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage until they know the gift of self they have to offer, are ready to give that gift of self, and are able to support themselves. Until that time, stay in the school of the gift of self through the virtue of Chastity, and learn all that is needed to enter into the vocation of marriage or any other vocation.
What roles do emotions and flirting play? What about crushes? When someone has a crush on someone, constantly talking about him or her, and always thinking of what it would be like to date them, it is almost as if they are dating them. They have given themselves to that person emotionally. Even though they would never actually date them, their obsession with him/her distracts them from entering the school of the gift of self. Some crushes keep people obsessed and in a daze for months, even years. We should not give ourselves to people emotionally whether they are people in our life or even famous singers, athletes, movie stars, etc.
Someone might say, “I would never date that person but I like them.” What does that mean? Does he or she like them more than other friends? If so, they have already giving themselves emotionally. When we tell everyone that we “like” him or her but would never date him or her, we are placing that person in a place emotionally that we do not place anyone else. If we plan on not dating till we are ready to get married, then we must make it very clear to all of our friends through our words and actions that this is our belief. If we say we are not interested in dating until we are ready to get married and then flirt with everyone, what are we really saying through our actions? Saint Francis said, “Preach and if you must use words.” So much of how we relate with people of the opposite sex is through our actions. We must let our actions reflect our beliefs.
What if I loose or miss my chance? There is also the fear in our society, which says, “If I don’t date the person I like, someone else might date them and I will loose my chance.” It’s all about trust. Do we completely trust God with our future, with our Vocation? It says in scripture that no man should separate what God has brought together. In the same way two people should not bring together what God has not willed to be brought together. If we have a friend that we think might one day be a possible spouse, being friends with that person is the best thing we can do. By practicing the philosophy of not dating until we are ready to get married, our friends know that we are not going to date anyone else. If our friends practice the same philosophy then they will also not date anyone else. Friends who wait until they are ready to get married to date can trust completely in God’s will and God’s timing. Pray that your future spouse will practice the same philosophy.
The song is written for her future spouse. We should be patiently waiting for our future spouse if this is what God is calling us to. We should be praying for their souls too.
But what about dances, banquets, or prom? The person that does not date can ask friends to go out on a date. There is a difference between “dating” and going out on a “date”. They will have plenty of them to choose from when they are not dating. The most important thing is act as a friend at the banquet, game, events, etc. Another thing to do is to go with a group of friends. This way nobody feels left out, able to split money more ways and be more affordable to go out, and people don’t have to feel they have to stay with the same person the whole night.
What if someone asks me out? It is OK to say no. When someone asks you out tell them that you don’t date. Tell them that you aren’t going to date until you are ready to get married. Tell them that it is nothing against them. Not only are you not interested in dating them but, in fact, you are not interested in dating anyone. If they are still interested in being your friend then that is great, if not, then it would not have been a good relationship anyway.
What about high school sweethearts? First of all, high school sweethearts are very rare. While we were unable to find any statistics on the rate of how many high school sweethearts actually end up marrying and then, most importantly, actually stay married, we are fairly confident whatever the numbers are they are very low. Yes, there are good, holy marriages of people that were high school sweethearts, but the question is this, could they still have had the same holy marriage if they would have remained friends instead of dating?
What if I am already dating? If we are not fully ready to get married then break up as soon as possible. Most importantly we can let people know why we are waiting until we are ready to get married to start dating. If someone has given one’s self to others emotionally or physically in ways contrary to God’s will then they should go to confession. That is what confession is for. We feel sorrow for what we have done, we confess what we have done and we pledge to not enter into those sins again. Do not be afraid! We should pray, go to confession, enter the school of the gift of self, and allow our self to be transformed by the virtue of chastity. If however, someone is ready to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage and is dating someone, then we should pray for each other and practice the virtues of chastity, purity, and charity. We should always be listening to God’s call. If we are single we should begin to pray for our future spouse. Think about them, and pray for their purity. If we start thinking of our future spouse we will begin to treat the people we date with more respect and dignity because we would not want our future spouses or ourselves to be taken advantage of or be used in an immodest way.
Some may be thinking, “This is a hard teaching.” It is not hard. It is different. Many people are pressured into dating relationships in junior high or even earlier. The pressure to start hooking up and going out with someone usually comes from friends or being asked by someone and not knowing what to say. Also the pressure may come from parents or your family. Many parents may say, “You can’t start dating until your 16.” Many times people think that they need to start dating at 16, since they have permission to. The sad fact is that our society says that people are weird that go through high school and even college without dating. It is pressure from our society that makes this teaching hard. What will be much harder is not embracing the vocation that God has called us to or not being about to fully give the gift of self to God through our vocation.
For the song there is some good things that are expressed, namely the chorus where she says she doesn’t just “hook up”. However, there are some other things within the verses that are missing the mark. This can start a discussion of where the song is hitting good points, and also where it is lacking.