As we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family let us look at what a family is, what a family does, and what a family is created for. The following questions are always important: What are you? What do you do? What are you created for? These questions in regards to family life are answered in light of the Blessed Trinity.
What does the family do? The family is “the original cell of social life” [1], “a sign and image of communion of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” [2], and is a “domestic church”. [3] The family life initiates us into a life in society. [4] More importantly, the family reflects the Father’s work of creation and partakes in giving and receiving love from God the Father. “…in the procreation and education of children it [the family] reflects the Father’s work of creation. It is called to partake of the prayer and sacrifice of Christ. Daily prayer and the reading of the Word of God strengthen it in charity. The Christian family has an evangelizing and missionary task.” [5] This evangelizing and missionary task is the way that the family imitates the Holy Spirit.
The family imitates the Trinity, which is the perfect community of love. Think of each person of the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
The Father creates. How does our family create?
The Son prays and sacrifices. How does our family pray and sacrifice?
The Holy Spirit reaches out to the world being a witness to truth and evangelizing. How does our family reach out, witnessing and evangelizing to others?
Think about your family: how do different members of your family imitate the Holy Trinity? Your parents sacrifice like Christ to provide and nurture the family, many times without any thanks. Children bring life and creativity to the family, and by creating joy, imitate the Father, Creator of all. Your family as a whole may welcome others into your home, thus evangelizing like the Holy Spirit. The presence of your family in the grocery store, Mass, and other public places is a witness. The family as a whole acts as a missionary going out into the world each day. The family is perhaps the most perfect model of the Holy Trinity. There are different persons in the family, with different roles, but yet they are one family. The love shared between the two persons, mother and father, is so great that the love itself gives life. The love shared between Father and Son is so great that it is another person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit.
What are all the things our families shares with each other? How can we share more? What are the ways our family is selfless? How can we be more selfless?
“The mystery of the Trinity teaches us the meaning of selfless charity because there is a constant and perfect sharing of the divine nature among the three Persons in God. The love of the Father for the Son and the Son from the Father is so perfect that within the very Godhead there comes forth the Holy Spirit as the perfect expression of love. The Trinity helps us understand Christ’s command to love one another by freely giving ourselves as persons, in order to benefit other persons and thus help in the formation on earth of something like the triune heavenly community in God.” [6] We cannot give up on our family; we must set the standard high. Our goal is to sacrifice, share, and practice charity as the Holy Trinity does, and we have the perfect model in the Holy Family of Nazareth.
Can our family ever become more important than God? First, let us preface by saying the family is and should always be autonomous and given the upmost respect. The family is the original cell of society and is the most important element in society, but it is still subservient to Christ and His Church. We must remember that while the family is the image of the Blessed Trinity, it is not the Blessed Trinity. There is a temptation to place our family and sometimes even friends before and over Christ and His Church. An example of this is to neglect our obligation to Mass when our child may have a sports game. Another is not praying or missing Mass because we have to work to provide for our family. While working to provide for our family is important, it should never take the place of going to Mass or serving our God. To place family before God is idolatry. There is a saying, “food, family, and faith”, but this saying, rightly ordered should read “faith, family, and food”. Our family is primarily fostered and practiced within family life and then it spreads to the community in the form of culture a great part of this is food, music, art, etc.
How is the family a church? The family is the domestic church because it should be a community of faith, hope, and charity. [7] It is the setting where we first learn our Christian faith, we receive the sacraments of initiation, we first learn to pray, and so much more.
Why has the family been attacked? Why is the family important? Families are cherished and respected because they are the shadow or image of the Blessed Trinity, which is most cherished and respected. This also explains why families are attacked. There are many families in society that do not love, adore, trust, or believe in the Blessed Trinity. If they do not love, adore, trust, or believe in the Blessed Trinity, they will not respect the family, which imitates and mirrors the Blessed Trinity.
St. Angela Merici said, “Disorder in society is a result of disorder in the family”. The Devil knows the family is vitally important to society. This is why he attacks the family because the breakdown of the family leads to the breakdown/weakening of morals and society. Blessed John Paul the Great witnessed to this breakdown, and declared the year 1994 “The Year of the Family”. In a letter to families, John Paul the Great warns of the new “contemporary” family. He wrote, “The contemporary family, like families in every age, is searching for ‘fairest love’. A love which is not ‘fairest’, but reduced only to the satisfaction of concupiscence [8], or to a man's and a woman's mutual ‘use’ of each other, makes persons slaves to their weaknesses.
Do certain modern "cultural agendas" lead to this enslavement? “There are agendas which ‘play’ on man's weaknesses, and thus make him increasingly weak and defenseless.” [9]
One way in which a cultural agenda has enslaved us is the idea that we should love “things” and accumulate a lot of “stuff”. Commercials provoke us to want and love material goods. Love by nature must be given freely and it must be able to be received. We cannot love objects because objects are unable to receive love. For example a hamburger or a car cannot receive love. Only a person can receive love. However, another modern idea is that we should use people for pleasure, for personal gain, or to get what we want, and when we reduce a person to an “object” by using others as “objects”, love is not possible.
Search: Marriage
The family is the rock of society and marriage is the rock of family. Marriages and families are based on four pillars. A marriage is to be exclusive, permanent, open to life and heterosexual. “When the life of a family is inspired by such principles, its whole life-style is well ordered: obedience to God and his laws each other, and consequently to understand each other, and to love and bring up their children with respect for God’s claims upon them.” [10] These pillars are chiseled away and completely knocked down by what is called the so-called “modern family”. The traditional family that prays together, sacrifices for each other, and shows charity is mocked.
How is exclusivity attacked? Members of families do not want to be with each other, but would rather spend countless hours entertaining themselves or being engrossed in their iPhones, laptops, or game systems, being with friends, and avoiding family. Adultery attacks the exclusiveness of marriage.
How is permanence attacked? Divorce causes instability and many times sets up a repeat cycle of another marriage and divorce. The love between husband and wife, parent and child, and siblings needs stability to grow. Loving selflessness for father, mother, and child also needs stability to grow. Plants need a solid base and soil to grow. Permanence within family life allows each person of the family to grown in holiness and thus reach God’s will for their life.
How is openness to life attacked? Many families are only open to children on their terms, and based on how children will affect their lifestyle. Many say they don’t have time or money for children. “I think the world today is upside down. Everybody seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater development and greater riches and so on. There is much suffering because there is so very little love in homes and in family life. We have no time for our children, we have no time for each other; there is no time to enjoy each other. In the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.” [11] We have to learn that while we do need to feed and clothe our children, we don’t have to get them the latest fashions, the latest iPhone, or over-indulge them. We need to give them something that will carry on for the rest of their lives, their Catholic faith. The openness to life has greatly been opposed due to the contraceptive mentality that has risen in our society. When a couple decides to contracept, they are blocking life.
How is heterosexuality attacked? Homosexual marriage is one of the biggest agendas in modern society. Marriage, the most basic unit in society, an exclusive and permanent relationship between one man and one woman, is being attacked to the point that people want to redefine the very word “marriage”.
There is a saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”. This quote is sometimes used in such a way that it releases the family of its first and primary obligation and responsibility as caregiver of its children. The quote is stating that, the primary people to raising a child is not the mother and family but instead several different people. How does the Church help families to fight against these cultural attacks? The Catechism states that “the family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.” [12] The Church advocates that a family should raise its members to be able to take care of those who need help when other families are in need of help. [13]
The Church also seeks out the support to strengthen marriage and family through civil authority. As it states, “Civil authority should consider it a grave duty ‘to acknowledge the true nature of marriage and the family, to protect and foster them, to safeguard public morality, and promote domestic prosperity.’” [14] This means the government has a duty to protect the family, the right to a family, and the practice of one’s faith in the family, protect the health and security of one’s family. [15]
How do we sanctify our families? To sanctify literally means to “make holy”. It is within the family that each life should be made holy. Unfortunately, today’s families do not always make holiness a priority, or even a fleeting thought. In some ways, holiness can even be damaged, destroyed, and unwelcome within the family. “It is necessary to go back to seeing the family as the sanctuary of life. The family is indeed sacred: it is the place in which life, the gift of God can be properly welcomed and protected against the many attacks to which it is exposed, and can develop in accordance with what constitutes authentic human growth. In the face of the so-called culture of death, the family is the heart of the culture of life” [16]
We sanctify our families when we connect to the Holy Family which all of us our connected to the one true God. Husband and wife should live as Mary and Joseph where a holy affection, a true selflessness only wanting and desiring each other’s happiness. [17] Like Mary and Joseph’s home, Jesus was the center of their home.
Is our home like this? Is Jesus the center of our family? Do we live only for ourselves or for our family members?
“Only if the truth about freedom and the communion of persons in marriage and in the family can regain its splendor, will the building of the civilization of love truly begin and will it then be possible to speak concretely—as the Council did—about "promoting the dignity of marriage and the family". [18]
How often do we eat dinner together as a family? How often as a family, do we do activities together? If the answer is “hardly at all”, what is something I can do to bring our family closer?
The family dinner table is a place that can bring life to simple traditions that give stability and normalcy in our chaotic and unstable world. One easy tradition to start is simply sharing what happened in your day. Family members can also take turns cooking the meal or cleaning up after dinner, which would nourish a spirit of sacrifice and charity. Families can also pray together before and after meals. Traditions take hold when they have a central gathering point and time, making mealtime the perfect place!
A dinnertime tradition of the Franciscan Friars of Renewal is to have one member of the community read the Gospel passage for the next day, which helps everyone focus on Christ, imitate Christ, and prepare to embrace the reading the next day when they listen and mediate on the reading at Mass. We must begin to build tradition, especially Catholic tradition and culture within the family. After all, the family is the domestic Church. If the local Church, the parish, never gathered together, they would never be able to practice and live the Catholic traditions and cultures that have been handed down from the time of the Apostles.
The online main page of this packet contains a document called the Family Prayer Book. The family, since it is the domestic Church, should imitate the Church. The Church from the beginning as we see in the Acts of the Apostles did four things: those who were baptized “devoted themselves to the teaching of the apostles and to the community, to the breaking of the bread, and to prayer.” [19] The family then should:
1. Be devoted to the teachings of the Apostles, which are the teachings of the Church. Both parents and children should be in catechism (instruction) classes at their local parish or within group approved by the parish or diocese. The teachings of the Church should be taught and discussed often during the day and week. Reading and listening to spiritual lessons should be a part of family life. The family can make a commitment to read the Saint of the Day out loud at either breakfast of dinner. The family can also make a commitment to read the Gospel for that day or in preparation of the next day.
2. Be devoted to the community. The first community is the family. Families should do things in common so as to better unite, bond, discover themselves, and practice patience and charity toward each other. The family should also be a part of the parish community, neighborhood community, and larger community, as they are able.
3. Be devoted to the breaking of the Bread. Attendance at Mass is essential to the life of the family and should be the highlight of each week. If possible, attend Daily Mass as a family or at the least individual members. It is only at the Mass that the family can receive the grace necessary to perform its duties.
4. Be devoted to prayer. There are many ways a family can pray. What’s important, though, is that the family be devoted to prayer, and prays in common. Here are a few ideas using the Family Prayer Book. The family can choose 4-5 prayers to say each day in the morning or evening. . If said in the morning these could be the Morning Offering (#19), Angel of God (#5), St. Michael Prayer (#6) and one chosen each day by a different family member. It is important to pick a time and stick with it. This time might be before everyone leaves in the morning or when everyone gets home in the evening. Prayers can also be said at every meal and when the family is in the car before leaving for a destination. The family table and vehicle are great times because everyone is in close quarters and are usually focused.
Making a commitment to the teachings of Christ and His Church, community, liturgy, and prayer will keep the family holy. A holy family has a much better chance of being a happy family, since it is holiness that ultimately makes us happy.
[1] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2207
[2] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2205
[3] Lumen Gentium 11
[4] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2207
[5] Catechism of The Catholic Church 2205
[6] Fr. John Hardon, S.J.; Basic Catholic Catechism Course; pg. 12
[7] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2204
[8] 1 John 2:16
[9] Letter to Families
[10] Divine Intimacy Vol. 1, pg. 96
[11] Blessed Mother Teresa
[12] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2207
[13] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2208
[14] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2210
[15] Catechism of the Catholic Church 20111
[16] Pope John Paul II; Centesimus Annus, 39
[17] In conversation with God pg. 230
[18] Letter to Families
[19] Acts 2:42