People want to give themselves to others, but they don’t know how to give, and very often don’t know what to give. Our sexuality is the gift of ourselves. The ultimate goal of life is to give to God the gift of self. It is our vocation and, preparation for that vocation, that helps us direct or funnel our gift of self to God.
What is the gift of self? “Charity is the form of all the virtues. Under its influence, chastity appears as a school of the gift of the person. Self-mastery is ordered to the gift of self. Chastity leads him who practices it to become a witness to his neighbor of God’s fidelity and loving kindness.” [1] The gift of self includes five elements, which can be remembered using the word “S.P.I.C.E.” We share the gift of ourselves with God through our vocation in the following five ways: spiritually, physically, intellectually, creatively/communicatively and emotionally (SPICE). In order to answer our vocation, we must first learn to give ourselves to God. It becomes very easy to focus only on the physical because it is tangible and has to do with our immediate senses. God calls each of us to purify, perfect and present these gifts of ourselves. We must purify these gifts and continue to keep them pure. We must allow God’s Grace to nurture, mature and perfect these gifts. We must present these gifts to God and to others. Even while discerning our vocation, we must begin to purify, perfect and present our gifts, carefully listening to God’s call in order to best give ourselves to Him.
CHASTITY CHART
Whatever vocation God calls us to, the calling is to give our full self (SPICE) to God and others. Chastity is the school of the gift of self. School is important for any kind of formation. If someone was going to be a doctor, they go to medical school. If someone was in sports, they practice hard and play on many teams learning how to perfect and develop their game. If a man is studying to be a priest, he attends seminary for 8 years. By law, we all attend 12 years of school so that we learn the basic skills in life necessary to work and function. The most important school in life is the school that teaches us about who we are, the gift we have been given by God, and how to give it to God and others. Saint Francis prayed the following prayer regularly, “Who are You? Who am I?” Saint Francis knew that he would never know who he was until he began to know who God was. It is Christ who perfectly reveals to us who we are and the gift of self that we can give. In this school of the gift of self, Chastity is our teacher. She teaches us how to give our whole self to God through our future vocation.
How long do we have to stay in the school of the gift of self? From the time people are teenagers the following questions run through out the mind: What is the purpose of life? Who am I? What am I called to be? Who is God and what role does He play in my life? Many people who are striving to do God’s will get very frustrated and anxious about not knowing God’s will for their life and their vocation (what God is calling them to do). Most people will not embrace the vocation that God is calling them to until they are in their early to mid twenties. This means that we have the great opportunity of entering into the school of the gift of self as a teenager. The school of the gift of self, with the virtue of chastity as the teacher, teaches us who we are. This school of the gift of self continues our whole life. It is important; however, not to wait until entering your vocation to enroll in this school. The teenage and young adult years are pivotal years in becoming an apprentice in this school, enabling you to become a master as you embrace your vocation. Don’t stress about the future. Stay in school and learn about the gift of self. You cannot give the gift of self if you don’t know what that gift is. As an apprentice in the school of the gift of self, learn to pray and learn to practice chastity. Build a strong foundation that any vocation can be built upon.
The spiritual, intellectual, physical, creative and communicative, and emotional make up who we are and these should be given to God alone. The vocation one embraces should be the vocation which best gives these parts of self to God. Three times in the Song of Solomon it says, “do not stir up nor awaken love until God desires”. [2] Do not drop out of the school of the gift of self. Be cool and stay in school until God stirs up that love and until He desires. It is our family and friends that first help us to know the gift of self and to nurture and protect the gift of self.
How will you know when God desires? It has been said many times, “You will just know!” God is faithful. Stay in the school of the gift of self and God will reveal our vocation to us when we are ready. We must know ourselves before we can give ourselves to someone. Being single and appreciating the gift of singleness enables us to truly attend the school of the gift of self. Our vocation enables us to give the gift of ourselves to God the rest of our earthly life, preparing us for eternal life.
What if someone is ready to give his or her gift of self to someone? If two people feel like they are ready to give the gift of self to another, they need to consider marriage, if they are not in a Sacramental marriage then it is not the time or place to give the gift of self. Jesus says in the sixth chapter of Matthew’s gospel, “Do not give to dogs what is holy; and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under foot and turn to attack you.” No one would throw valuable pearls into a pin of muddy pigs. No one would flush a thousand dollar bill down the toilet. When something is valuable and of worth that item is protected and not given over for destruction or misuse. We must learn to value and keep safe the gift of self, which is not just what we give, but who we are. The gift of self is the greatest, most precious, valuable gift you have. Don’t give to dogs what is holy. Don’t give to dogs the gift of yourself, which is holy. Don’t throw your pearls (the gift of self) before swine. Many men have been called dirty pigs or swine and yet many women continue to throw themselves to these swine. The gift of self will be trampled on and attacked if it is not protected, cherished and safeguarded. People fall into sexual sin because they don’t value the gift of self. When we see young men and women throwing themselves and their bodies to the dogs and the swine, we must convince them that they are valuable, precious and holy.
[1] CCC 2346
[2] Song of Songs 2:7