“everyone who looks at a woman with lust”
This is lesson 1 of 2.
“Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” [1]
What does disordered desire mean? A disordered desire is a desire that we have that is not ordered to its natural and good end. Anytime there is disordered desire, we must first look at the natural and good order of that desire. The Catechism tells us clearly that sexual pleasure is ordered when it is procreative and unitive. This procreativity and unity is also correctly ordered in the context of marriage. “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” [2]
Why does man desire sexual pleasure? By our very nature, man is a sexual being with a sexual urge. Man has the desire to be with woman and woman to be with man because “the attributes of the two sexes are complementary, so that a man and a woman can complete each other.” [3] We are relational beings made in the image of our Tripartite Creator and our desire to be united and completed by a member of the opposite sex is a good and natural desire. In addition, the sexual urge is necessary for the continuation of our species; we must reproduce to remain in existence. The desire for sex and sex itself is good. However, with that being said we must be able to identify the deprivation of this desire and explain in what ways we must live out the desire for sexual pleasure.
This ad “Parisian Love” shows the true order of love. Eros (passion) love is ordered toward and develops into a phila (friendship) and ultimately into agape (sacrificial) love. Within marriage a man and woman are united and the end result is openness to life, procreation.
What does inordinate enjoyment mean? The word inordinate means disordered or excessive, without moderation. Enjoyment means taking pleasure in something. In order to understand what inordinate enjoyment is, we must first look at what we mean by well-ordered enjoyment/love. We use only one word ‘love’ to define what the Greeks used three different words to describe. First, there eros which is “that love between man and woman which is neither planned nor willed, but somehow imposes itself upon human beings.” [4] Eros is many times referred to as passion. Next, there is the love called philia, the love of friendship or of a family; it is where we get our word filial. Finally, there is agape, the love of sacrifice and the love of choice. Eros, as described by the Greeks is without moderation and almost reckless and uncontrolled. It needs to be controlled, moderated, put into order. “An intoxicated and undisciplined eros, then, is not an ascent in ‘ecstasy’ towards the Divine, but a fall, a degradation of man. Evidently, eros needs to be disciplined and purified if it is to provide not just fleeting pleasure.” [5] Sexual pleasure sought for self, is just as addictive as other sensual pleasures such as drugs and alcohol and is wanted in excess. When sex is isolated from its procreative and unitive purpose, it is reduced to just a mere “thing” another way to feel pleasure. Two individuals seeking sex solely for pleasure deprive themselves of the good and purpose of sex. Sex becomes something that can be bought and sold like any “thing” and the individuals become objects of use rather than subjects of love. “Eros, reduced to pure “sex”, has become a commodity, a mere “thing” to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself becomes a commodity.” [6]
How has sexual pleasure in our society become a “thing”, a commodity to be bought and sold? Before looking at sexual pleasure and how it is bought and sold, we must first look at how sexual pleasure is used as a “thing” in general. If we consider our life as a series of sensations to be experienced rather than a work to be accomplished, we will use the sexual act and sexual pleasure as one of those sensations, sought for itself and solely for pleasure. If a person holds to this “series of sensations” mentality then they will want the pleasure and sensation of sex but will avoid the result of sex, a child, and a life. They will be denying themselves and others of the good of sex, the fruit of sex, which is new life. “But it often happens that people are discouraged from creating the proper conditions for human reproduction and are led to consider themselves and their lives as a series of sensations to be experienced rather than as a work to be accomplished.” [7] The Christian is called to love God more than the pleasures of this world. The world slips into seeking sex solely for pleasure and use rather than seeking the will of God. Almost everyone has heard the slogan, “Sex Sells.” Sex is used to sell anything, beer, cars even gum or shampoo. Sexual innuendos or sexual references are scattered throughout music, movies and advertisements. We are bombarded with this disordered idea of sex and the sexual act. We have been robbed of the true meaning of sex. Pornography, which “consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties…is a grave offense.” [8] The sexual act, created by God for procreation and unity of a married couple, has been degraded and diminished in society into a mere action for pleasure. “Pornography is big business - with $10 billion to $14 billion in annual sales, pornography is bigger than any of the major league sports, perhaps bigger than Hollywood. Porn is no longer a sideshow to the mainstream...it is the mainstream” [9]
What is our purpose, our calling, our vocation? We are called by God “to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in the next.” [10] It is God that gives us the greatest pleasure and fulfillment, yet we seek both pleasure and fulfillment in things other than God. We live in a society in which we can easily begin to love vanities, riches and pleasures of this world better than God. [11] Sex is a thing of this world, and it is a basic necessity for the human race to continue, but sex cannot be sought as greater than God or outside of God. God is the creator of all that is good and is the creator of the sexual act and so we ask, “What is the purpose of the sexual act? What is God’s will for the sexual act?” The purpose of the sexual act is clearly stated in the Catechism and has been the consistent teaching of the Church. The sexual act is for the unity of a married couple and the procreation of children. Babies and Bonding. “What is the purpose and meaning and nature of sexual intercourse? It seems to me to be quite clear. It’s for two things. It’s for babies and it’s for bonding. And that’s what happens when you have sexual intercourse – you have babies and you bond. My view is, if you don’t want to have babies and you don’t want to bond, then you shouldn’t be having sexual intercourse.” [12]
What is our purpose for the sexual act? What is our focus in regards to the sexual desire and the purpose of the desire? What philosophies do we see around us today regarding sex, chastity and purity?
1. If it feels good do it. The focus of is strictly on pleasure.
2. If it feels good do it, but don’t be stupid, protect yourself, be responsible, don’t get a disease and don’t get pregnant. The focus is still on pleasure but also responsibility. This focus is taught by most public schools and sometimes parents.
3. A focus on virginity. I am not going to have “sex” and will be a virgin when I get married. With number three “sex” is defined as sexual intercourse. There is a focus on virginity but not necessarily purity and chastity.
4. A focus on purity and chastity. A person who commits to purity and chastity makes a commitment to not intentionally arouse another, not to allow another to intentionally arouse them and to not arouse them self.
We are pressured to live life as a series of sensations, rather than living life as a work to be accomplished. We are bombarded by a world that seeks the pleasure of sensations more than the pleasures of God. As Christians, we must be a sign of contradiction to our world. When they see us, our purity, modesty, chastity, it should make them stop and think. They should say to themselves, “How odd, how different.” Our life and commitment should make them think, make them go beyond a life of sensations to the true meaning of the sexual act, to the true meaning of life, which is a life and human will at the service of God and His holy will. We remember the words of Saint Paul and press on with hope and courage. “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” [13]
What are some things we can do to have the grace necessary to remain focused and committed to purity and chastity? Remain in the state of Grace. Go to Mass every Sunday and pray daily. Go to confession regularly. Know the teachings of Christ and His Church. Read and meditate on the Word of God, Sacred Scripture. Study the lives of the Saints and read their writings. Study Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Wear a scapular. This sacramental should never be taken off. The scapular represents the arms of Our Lady holding us and protecting us and protecting our purity. Many scapulars also have a Saint Benedict medal and crucifix on them as well. Buy a promise / chastity ring and wear it until you enter your vocation. The ring is a constant physical reminder to live chastely and to stay pure. Have the ring blessed by a priest or deacon and explain to your friends why it is important to you and why you wear it. The ring can also be used as your wedding band if you get married or in some way be incorporated into your vows as a priest or religious. Keep in mind your future spouse and pray for your future spouse daily. If you are called to the religious life, your spouse is Christ. If you are called to the priesthood, your spouse is the Church.
Ten Commitments
I will not offend God’s plan for me
I will not deprive myself of good God intends for me
If we say yes to something we have said no to something else
I will say yes to sex; God’s intent for sex; we say no to impurity
I will not arouse others
I will not allow others to arouse me
I will not arouse myself
I want to be united only to my spouse
I want that unity with my spouse to be free, faithful, fruitful
I will never despair of God’s mercy and will be open to every grace I can get so that I can be pure and perfect and present myself to God
I want heaven; blessed are the pure of Heart, they shall see God
[1] Catechism of the Catholic Church - 2351
[2] Catechism of the Catholic Church - 2352
[3] Saint Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibility, page 48
[4] Pope Benedict XVI; Deus Caritas Est; Section 3
[5] Pope Benedict XVI; Deus Caritas Est; Section 4
[6] Pope Benedict XVI; Deus Caritas Est; Section 5
[7] Saint Pope John Paul II; Centesimus Annus; Section 39
[8] Catechism of the Catholic Church - 2354
[9] Frank Rich, New York Times Magazine
[10] Baltimore Catechism, No. 3; Question 150
[11] Penny Catechism
[12] Janet Smith, Contraception, Why Not?
[13] 2 Corinthians 4:8-9