We are all called to give the gift of ourselves to God. Our vocation is the means through which we give this gift. Some give the gift of themselves through the single or consecrated life. Some give the gift of themselves through the religious life as a brother or sister. Some give the gift of themselves through the Sacrament of Ordination to the Holy Priesthood. Some give the gift of themselves through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. As humans, we are a gift from God. Because we come from God, we give the gift of our self back to God .The vocation that God calls us to enables us to give the gift of our self fully to Him.
What are the most successful, happy and holy marriages that you can think of?. Maybe it is of our grandparents or another loving, long lasting marriage comes to mind.
What qualities and virtues are found in that marriage? Usually qualities such as selflessness, sacrifice, permanence, faithfulness and love are present in these long lasting marriages. All vocations if they are going to be an example of Christ’s love for the Church, and thus are going to be successful, must have these qualities.
How is marriage a vocation? Marriage is a calling by God for a man and woman to be permanent, exclusive, and procreative. The Church teaches that marriage must have these elements to succeed. “It [marriage] aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility.” [1]
What does Indissolubility mean? Indissolubility means that the marriage union is permanent. No divorce or separation. This is the real deal. What God has brought together let no man separate. The vocation of the religious life, Holy Orders, and lay consecrated also must be permanent in that the person remains in that vocation and the vocation helps them toward heaven. The vows of chastity, poverty and obedience are a pledge of their permanence.
What does faithfulness in a marriage mean? Faithfulness means that the marriage union is exclusive. The husband gives the gift of himself completely to his wife solely. The wife gives the gift of herself completely to her husband solely. The same is true of the vocation of the religious life, Holy Orders, and lay consecrated who give themselves exclusively to God through their community and the Church. Exclusive means only one. They do not give themselves to more than one.
What does open to fertility mean? Open to fertility means that the marriage union is open to procreation. The husband and wife, created in the image of God, join with God in the creation of new life. The couple must always be open to the creation of life and the nurturing of that life. The religious life, Holy Orders and lay consecrated are definitely procreative. Although they do not procreate physically, they must be procreative through nurturing and supporting the spiritual life of all souls. When it comes to vocations, three pillars are necessary: permanence, exclusivity, and procreation.
What makes good and holy marriages? Saint Angela Merici said, “Disorder in society is the result of disorder in the family.” Marriage is the rock and central unit of the family, so if there is disorder in marriage, there will be disorder in the family. If there is disorder in the family, there will be disorder in society. If we are to bring back order to society, we need to begin by placing order back into marriage. When marriages are not permanent, disorder occurs. In a very changing world, children and spouses need the security of permanence. Children wonder if their parents will divorce and, if so, where will they end up? A builder can only build a solid house on a permanent foundation. Families are unable to build, grow, and flourish unless they have the firm foundation of permanence. “Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And every one who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house upon sand; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell; and great was he fall of it.” Unfortunately many “homes” (families) are not built on permanence and when the rain, floods and winds of a culture of lies, death and temptation come, the homes (families) fall. How great the fall has been in our society.
When marriages are not exclusive, disorder occurs. In a sacramental marriage, husband and wife mirror the relationship between Christ and His Church, between God and His people.
Is Christ always faithful to the Church? Yes! Is God always faithful to His people? Yes! Christ prayed to his Father, “Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.” [2] Just as Christ and God are one, the Church is one. And Christ loves the Church. He is faithful to the Church. He is exclusive with the Church and through His death, has offered salvation to all through the Church. He will never abandon His love for the Church for another. When exclusivity is not found in a relationship, jealousy, doubt, and fear enter in. Questions such as, “Is my spouse cheating on me?” or “Does my spouse still love me?” or “What am I doing wrong?” or “What am I not giving my spouse that they want?” enter into the mind. Mass media presents relationships with no exclusivity. All we see are relationships in which people are cheating on each other, sleeping with each other, flirting with each other, or getting married and then get divorce soon after. Our society does not have a concept of being faithful and exclusive to one person. Relationships cannot be formed without the central premise of exclusivity, because without it there can be no trust. A husband and wife who are exclusive can completely trust each other and know that the gift of self will not be given to any other. They are also completely satisfied with receiving the gift of self from each other and only each other.
When marriages are not open to procreation disorder occurs. Some couples are unable physically to procreate due to biological reasons. If this is the case, “Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord's Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others”. [3]Couples who are able to procreate and choose not to base on selfish reasons are not living what it means to be married. “The spouses’ union [sexual intercourse] achieves the twofold end of marriage; the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple’s spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.” [4] To be open to procreation means to embrace the fact that sexual intercourse is designed by God for two reasons: the unity of a married couple and the transmission of new life.
Artificial birth control has allowed spouses to use each other as sexual objects and has prevented God and the couple from creating new life. Marriages must be open to life. It is truly a matter of life and death for future souls. “A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The ‘supreme gift of marriage’ is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged ‘right to a child’ would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right ‘to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents," and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception.’” [5] When marriages are not open to life, a natural result is disunity between the couple. When a couple is not open to the creation of life, the most basic means of uniting, how can they truly be united in other areas of creativity? Even worse, if the couple is not open to life and God is still able to create life, then the couple will not see the life that was created as a blessing from God, but as a negative or a mistake.
[1] FC 13
[2] Jn. 17:11
[3] CCC 2379
[4] CCC 2363
[5] CCC 2378