“the two shall become one flesh”
“The married couple forms ‘the intimate partnership of life and love established by the Creator and governed by his laws; it is rooted in the conjugal covenant, that is, in their irrevocable personal consent.’ Both give themselves definitively and totally to one another. They are no longer two; from now on they form one flesh. The covenant they freely contracted imposes on the spouses the obligation to preserve it as unique and indissoluble. ‘What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.’” [1]
The Catholic Church teaches that marriage must be:
Free, Full, Faithful, and Fruitful
The two become one when they freely and fully give of themselves. In the consent during the rite of Marriage the couple says that they are free to make this commitment and that the commitment to their spouse is the “full” giving of the gift of themselves. This total or “full” gift is to be done faithfully as stated in the consent and fruitfully as they commit to being open to life.
MUSIC – "Live While We're Young" by One Direction
Christ has come that we might have life and have it to the full, when we are young and when we are old. When we are “in love” we do not have to pretend. Marriage is not about “getting some” but getting all the full gift of self. The world is not promoting “full” but “partial”. Life only when you’re young, that is partial. “Getting some” either through fornication, adultery, or a contraceptive mentality is only “some” not “all”
“St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us.... I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you” [2]
Saint John Chrysostom is saying that the purpose of a spouse is to help their spouse get to heaven. If the couple is blessed with children the couple is also responsible to help their children get to heaven. For all the happiness on this earth, it is worth nothing if heaven is not attained.
The “Four F’s” imitates the relationship that Christ has with the Church and is most clearly seen when we look at the Crucifixion.
How did Christ give Himself freely and fully? How is this gift of self both faithful and fruitful?Christ gave Himself freely as He united His will with the will of the Father. He did not go to the Cross by force but rather “he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.” [3] What Christ gave is His full self, holding nothing back so that we could have life “to the full”. [4] Because Christ is both God and man, the gift is eternal and therefore every man in every time can receive the gift of self, given by Jesus Christ. This gift of eternal life is faithful in that it is eternal and given out of love from our merciful God. The gift of eternal life is fruitful. At the Cross we have access to the Sacred Heart of our Lord, which when it was pierced with the spear gushed forth blood and water, which symbolize the Sacramental Life entered into by baptism (water) and reaching its source and summer in the Eucharist (blood). At the Cross the Church was born and thus any fruit that comes from the Church, comes from Christ. At the Cross is given the promise of Resurrection as Christ is the first fruit. “But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep.” [5]
In the Croatian marriage tradition, When a young couple is preparing for marriage the priest says to them “You have found your cross. And it is a cross to be loved, to be carried, a cross not to be thrown away, but to be cherished." When the bride and groom set off for the church, they bring a crucifix with them. The priest blesses the crucifix, which takes on a central role during the exchange of vows. The bride places her right hand on the crucifix and the groom places his hand over hers. Thus the two hands are bound together on the cross. The priest covers their hands with his stole as they proclaim their vows to be faithful, according to the rites of the Church. The priest explains that the bride and groom do not then kiss each other, they rather kiss the cross. They know that they are kissing the source of love. Anyone close enough to see their two hands joined over the cross understands clearly that if the husband abandons his wife or if the wife abandons her husband, they let go of the cross. And if they abandon the cross, they have nothing left. They have lost everything for they have abandoned Jesus. They have lost Jesus.
Marriage is much more than a contract it is a couple committing to enter into the very life of Christ, through a Sacrament given by the Church. The couple imitates Christ, is united by Christ, and is a witness of Christ to the world.
[1] Catechism of the Catholic Church - 2364
[2] St. John Chrysostom, Hom. in Eph. 20, 8: PG 62, 146-147.
[3] Philippians 2:8
[4] John 10:10
[5] 1 Corinthians 15:20