What is the state of familiar roles today? In today’s culture, the family is not only weakened by an attack on the exclusivity, permanence, and morality of marriage, but also in shifting roles in the family. Instead parental authority and children’s respect of mother and father, we more often see parents trying to be children’s “buddies” and the children acting as authority figure and families usurping traditional familial roles.
What are the duties of the parents? The first and primary role of a parent is to give children moral and spiritual formation. “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.” [1] This education should begin in the earliest years, and shown not only in words, but also in action—how spouses treat each other and their children. [2] Parents should reflect on the words of Pope John Paul the Great: “Do you teach your children the Christian prayers? Do you prepare them, in conjunction with the priests, for the sacraments that they receive when they are young – Confession, Communion and Confirmation? Do you encourage them, when they are sick, to think of Christ suffering, to invoke the aid of the Blessed Virgin and the saints? Do you say the family Rosary together…? Do you pray with your children, with the whole domestic community, at least sometimes? Your example of honesty in thought and action, joined to some common prayer, is a lesson for life and an act of worship of singular value. In this way you bring peace to your homes: Pax huic domui. Remember, it is thus that you build up the Church.” [3] Father Peyton’s famous phrase “the family that prays together, stays together” [4] is very true. It requires fortitude from the parents to make time to pray and teach the prayers of our faith to their children. Another grave responsibility for the parents is to create a home that is suitable for them and their children.
What should the household be like? The home should be of “tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule” [5]
What does the Church say about disciplining a child? First and foremost, parents should be paragons of virtue for their children. Remember, with children, it’s often “monkey see monkey do”. Children mirror the actions of the parents. In the person of Jesus Christ we see the Father in the Son and the Son in the Father, and in the same way, parents see their own virtues or vices in their children. If the parents are living a life of sin, it is hard for the child to be expected to live a life of righteousness.
Scripture tells us, “He who loves his son will not spare the rod... He who disciplines his son will profit by him.” [6] Also, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” [7] The Church says when needed, it is good to discipline our children in order to teach them to “avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.” [8]
Can a parent choose their child’s schooling? Yes. As stated in the Catechism, “parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions”. [9]
What are the duties of the child? Children, too, have duties in the family, and they extend beyond cleaning bedrooms and basic chores. A child’s first and foremost duty is to know that “the divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood” [10] and to honor their parents always.
Why do we have to respect our parents? We should respect our parents for the simple fact that they brought us into existence. Out of their mutual love in uniting as one, God reciprocates the love back to them in the creation of children. With their love and hard work, they are able to raise us to function in the world around us. Sirach reminds us, “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?” [11]
Do children really have to follow everything their parents say? As long as a child lives under the roof of their parents house they must honor, follow, and obey their parents. However, if the parents were to ask the child to do something that was morally wrong, then the child may not consent to it. [12] For example, if a parent asked their child to rake the leaves, the child must honor and obey their parents by completing the task. However, if the parents were to skip Mass, and the child is of age and can find their own way to Mass, they must disobey this order and find a way to get to Mass.
Is the family the most important thing? While family is extremely important, it is not the absolute. Our first vocation is to follow Jesus Christ. When children grow, they begin to discover their unique vocation. Children must accept their vocation and parents should accept their children’s growth in this vocation. . [13] As Jesus said, “He who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” [14]
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[1] Gravissimum Educationis 3
[2] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2226
[3] John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris consorito, 60
[4] Servant of God Fr. Patrick Peyton, C.S.C
[5] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2223
[6] Sirach 30:1-2
[7] Ephesians 6:4
[8] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2224
[9] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2229
[10] Ephesians 3:14
[11] Sirach 7:27-28
[12] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2217
[13] Catechism of the Catholic Church 2232
[14] Matthew 10:37