In our culture today, the roles of masculinity and femininity can seem blurred at times. For example, the fight for women’s rights have brought great equality to fair wages and pay. It has harmed us too, in thinking men and women are the exact same. “God created man in his own image…male and female he created them” [1] Men and women are equal but different and this is a good and beautiful thing. We must learn more of how God wants our roles to be as men and women.
Masculinity and femininity are most perfectly seen in the life of Jesus and Mary. Pope Leo X wrote a prayer in which the “manhood” of Christ is praised and the “fruitful virginity” of Our Lady is praised. “To the most holy and undivided Trinity, to the manhood of our crucified Lord Jesus Christ, to the fruitful virginity of the most blessed and glorious Mary, ever virgin, to the entire assembly of the saints, be ascribed everlasting praise, honor, power and glory, by every creature; and to us be granted the remission of all our sins, world without end. Amen. Blessed is the womb of the Virgin Mary, which bore the Son of the eternal Father. And blessed are the breasts which nourished Christ the Lord.” [2] In this prayer Mary is praised for her femininity, her “womb” which “which bore” and “breasts which nourished”. Jesus is praised for His “manhood” and the fact that as a man He was crucified, thus laying down His life.
What is masculinity? When we think of the word masculinity, we think physical strength, which is true. But it is so much more important to be a devout Catholic. For men, when we see our bodies, we see our bodies. But when we look at our masculinity, which is deeper than just our flesh, we see more fully God’s image. A man and his masculinity should be seen with and defined as conviction, perseverance, character, and courage.
How has masculinity been devalued in our culture? We first look at how we portray God. Many people in the world want to strip God of His masculinity. When men do not see God for who He truly is, as the Father, then they will not go to Church or pray. When we read Psalm 3, we see how David saw God, “Arise, Lord! Save me, my God! You will shatter the jaws of all my foes; you will break the teeth of the wicked. Safety comes from the Lord! Your blessing for your people!” [3] A woman would never be seen as wanting to shatter jaws or break people’s teeth. This God is a man coming to save his bride, the Church. Fast forward to the New Testament, we first hear Jesus speak of God as His Father; not a mother. Lastly, as Jesus is God, He shows true masculinity by His willingness to die for His bride, the Church. Jesus’ love story is the Sorrowful Mysteries, His Passion and death on the cross.
As men, how can we bring back masculinity? We must first know and understand our roles as men. Men must be willing to put to death the sin of lust and to love, respect, and cherish a woman; her essence, her femininity. What are our roles? Men must remember the words of Bl. Pope John Paul II, God “assigns the dignity of every woman as a task to every man.” [4] Men have the great privilege and task of protecting women’s’ dignity. When men fail at this, we fail at our vocation as men. For this reason, the Holy Father says, “each man must look within himself to see whether she who was entrusted to him as a sister in humanity, as a spouse, has not become in his heart an object of adultery.” [5] One beautiful story expresses this love of groom for his bride and is an example of masculinity. At their wedding reception, the groom instead of doing the tradition of the garter belt, sat down in front of his bride and began to wash her feet. He showed his bride and the wedding guests what a true man looks like, and what he is truly called to do now for his bride. Are we being protectors or predators of a women’s dignity?
We must persevere and be patient in allowing God to transform our thoughts and actions away from lust. God gave us our sexual drive. Those who seek to have sex all the time are cowards because they live in fear of responsibility of their pleasure. Those who give in to every sexual impulse are weak. The sexual impulse is like a swimmer and a crashing wave. As the wave approaches, it appears as if there is no escape, but if the swimmer waits a little, the wave passes and there is peace. In the midst of sexual desire and temptation, it appears as if the only option is to give in to the desire or temptation, when in reality if we just give the desire or temptation time to pass, it will. If we don’t act in the moment but rather are patient, letting the wave crash, there will be peace.
Isn’t masculinity about being macho and obtaining my desires? There are some who think that by not giving into all of our selfish desires, that we are “repressing” ourselves somehow. Are there only two options regarding sexual desires: to either kill the desire or give into it? God does not want us to repress them nor does He want us to give into every desire, especially if there are disordered. He wants us to perfect our desires. All desires should be ordered, and if so we give glory to God. When desires are dis-ordered, this is sin and dishonors God.
How does practicing masculinity perfect our desires? God wants men to desire the good of women. When men re-learn to truly love masculinity, they see that they are able to give of themselves to women. The temptation of sexual desires in the heart and mind of man soon find a solution. The woman’s body is fully revealed in the image of God and man should want to help keep her dignity pristine. Women foreshadow the beauty of Heaven itself. No wonder men find women so amazing! For many men, it only takes a second to feel a woman’s beauty. A woman is the echo of Eden. A woman’s femininity is so captivating because God made them that way.
In this message from Leah Darrow, she clearly states what true men and masculinity should be and what women are really looking for.
What is femininity? To be feminine is to fulfill a unique and special role. It is by no means to be just a dainty, helpless woman. On the contrary, it encompasses strength far greater than any man could possess. Women hold the key to purity. Women are a mystery to investigate and to learn about. Femininity is the mystery of the divine. When we consider the sexual organs of a woman, they lay inside of her, as if a shrouded mystery. With God, He lies within the Church, veiled in mystery, within the Most Blessed Sacrament, hidden in the tabernacle. Women are to receive and be open to only the one who is worthy. A woman’s femininity reflects the Church, the bride of Christ. She is capable of bearing life within herself as the Church brings forth spiritual life. A man should come with fear and trembling to a woman’s dignity and femininity, as he does when coming to the Church. If a woman opens up to her femininity she is opening to God. And if she does this, then she can fully love herself, and in turn, find true love.
What is a woman’s role? The world has convinced women they have to try and prove themselves; to show they are equal to men. This is not necessary, and in fact, this attitude takes away feminism, as woman tries to be more like man. The patience, selflessness, self-giving, and tenderness of a woman is now looked down upon in the world. But these qualities are the cornerstone to what it means to be woman. The most important roles, of course, are those of being a mother and bride. If a woman is a bride to a man, she should help her husband become the man he is meant to be. For the woman, she should allow the man to transform her by his courage and strength. If a woman is married to the Church, she should allow the Perfect Spouse, Jesus Christ, to transform her.
The Christian message about the dignity of women is contradicted by that persistent mentality which considers the human being not as a person but as a thing, as an object of trade, at the service of selfish interest and mere pleasure: The first victims of this mentality are women. [6] Why are women the first victims in being treated as objects?
While all women may not be called to be biological, foster, or adoptive mothers, the maternal aspects within a woman is still very present and more powerful than anything a man could ever exhibit. A woman “…married or unmarried, is called upon to be a biological, psychological or spiritual mother -- she knows intuitively that to give, to nurture, to care for others, to suffer with and for them -- for maternity implies suffering -- is infinitely more valuable in God's sight than to conquer nations and fly to the moon.” [7]
How should a woman protect her femininity? A woman should never dilute her dignity. Women, if they hide themselves in Christ, will naturally draw men to Christ. It is beauty that will save the world. Archbishop Fulton Sheen said, “The beauty on the outside never gets into the soul. But the beauty of the soul reflects itself on the face.” The beauty of a woman’s soul should be reflective on a woman’s face. “A woman should hide her heart in God so a man must go there” or similar “A woman should hide in Christ so that the man has to see Christ just to see her.”
Lastly, all women should look to Mary as their model. Most of the anti-feminist movements that have stripped away women’s dignity have done so because they have forgotten the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary shows us what it truly means to be a woman; one of complete openness to God’s love, and eternal strength. By being completely free she in turned is completely loved by the Father. She embodies every womanly role as a daughter, sister, wife, virgin, and mother.
Is femininity a mind control instrument used by men? No. In fact, a woman’s brain has more space for language and hearing, and holds more emotions and memories. Women speak three times more than men per day. A woman’s roles to care, nurture, and empathize for someone is far greater than that of a man.
How is masculinity different from femininity? As shown above, men and women are different and this is a good thing. Men are givers of authentic love and women are the receivers and reciprocate this love back to the man; all within God. “God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion.” [8] “Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out.” [9] Men and women are equal in dignity, but different in their roles. Think of the traditional four voices in a choir; soprano, alto, tenor and bass. Woman typically are soprano and alto, men are tenor and bass. All the voices are equal in dignity, but different and necessary for a piece of music. When a beautiful piece of music is sung, one cannot hear four different voices, but rather one united and equal voice. Men and women, when their differences are appreciated and lived out to the full, express how femininity and masculinity are equal in dignity. We also cannot get hung up on the differences of roles. A man, no matter how much he wants to be pregnant, cannot. A woman, no matter how much she wants to be a priest, cannot. There are some roles either in the physical or spiritual realm that is set aside by God for the beauty of a man or beauty of a woman.
How is masculinity and femininity the same? Since God creates both male and female equally, both men and women share equal personal dignity. “Man is a person, and man and woman equally so, since both were created in the image and likeness of the personal God.” [10] “Each of the two sexes is an image of the power and tenderness of God, with equal dignity though in a different way.” [11]
[1] Gen. 1:27
[2] Pope Leo X; Prayer After the Divine Office
[3] Psalm 3:8-9
[4] Pope John Paul II, general audience, November 24, 1982. As quoted by Man and Woman He Created Them, 519.
[5] Pope John Paul II, general audience, November 24, 1982. As quoted by Man and Woman He Created Them, 519.
[6] See Gaudium et Spes, Familiaris Consortio, Mulieris Dignitatem
[7] http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=530&page=2
[8] CCC 2331
[9] CCC 2333
[10] CCC 2334
[11] CCC 2335